Who's the President of Canada?
A (small) break in continuity!
"Evil is the new love." (Richard) which holds no bearing on any comments I wish to say today but is a fun quote nonetheless! Tonight shall be a short post as I have a whole lot of sleeping to do!
Tonight reeked of penultimate.... it was the penultimate show, the penultimate pizza land supper and quite possibly the penultimate get together of the delightful crew I have been hanging with. I fear all this will soon come to an end. For most of this stuff, like pizza land and the show, that is to be expected. But one thing that is really quite bothering me is that last bit, about not hanging...
I'm not sure what it is, but in the last little while I have become decidedly less of a traditional introvert. I actually disliked it the other day when people didn't go out and all went to their boring homes for boring sleep-before-work or boring studying. Partly this is because I wanted to go out and was so used to Glenn dragging us off to some place for hours of fun meaningless chatter about life the universe and everything. But I fear it is mainly internal reasonings of which I am even hesitant to write of. But write of them I shall (as soon as I remember what they were... I got distracted and forgot... just hang in there... ah yes!)
I think I am hiding. I fear commitment, be it to a job or a lifestyle or whatever, but I really really don't want to go near it. Specifically I seem to fear the commitment to work, or at least to look for work. I don't want to look for work. I don't mind working as such, indeed in many cases I quite enjoy it, but the whole rigmarole of looking for a job from hunting the web/paper to calling to interviewing to filling out forms to emailing a CV, it makes me ill. I feel physically (and mentally) ill just from attempting any of these things. I dislike it. And yes, I used the Mikado to hide from this, merely because it was a logical step. I had just had a bizarre and rather painful break-up and to cope with the emotional ramifications went and hid inside the craziness of a show (I hadn't originally wanted to do the Mikado{gong} but am sooo glad I have! It's brilliant!), so it was an easy step to then hide from seeking a job in the show. I have therefore latched on to a type of crazy "out there" semi-extroversion that I otherwise would steer clear of in order to ignore the greater part of my life. I probably shouldn't, but I am.
Unfortunately, the show is coming to an end, and I don't feel emotionally ready to face the real world again. I still need time to hide. I still can't look for a job, I still need money, I still need time away from people associated with BBFFDDD as I so lovingly call my ex (roughly translated it reads "ExplixativeA, ExplixativeA, ExplixativeB Face, Die Die Die!") and I need to go have fun and feel like you did at school, where you did "stuff" and "things" but you didn't affect the real world and it stayed the hell away from you!
I want to just skip a huge chunk of my life and come back to it later when it's stopped being so damn painful! I mean, yeah ok this last while's been fun. But that's almost over. And nothing was solved or fixed or anything. Stuff still sucks! And I can't ignore it, but I can't happily solve it. I hate things. I dislike feeling helpless and hurt and alone. I'm feeling ever so slightly depressed now (well done moron!), so I'm going to sleep and shall see you all bright and cheerful and all yay-nothing-is-wrong-with-life-wooo-hooo! so go me! I'm the crazy friendly one whom we all love to be around cause God Damn he's wacky! Ok, I am so done bitching about my crap. Good night.
1. Title: Steve Carell was on David Letterman's show and he was talking about Hockey or Ice Hockey or something and he was talking about getting hit as a Goalie and how the other goalie's dad ran up to him and was asking DIFFICULT questions which he couldn't answer (which meant that they thought he had concussion)!
2. there are more I think but cant be botherd. night all.
"Evil is the new love." (Richard) which holds no bearing on any comments I wish to say today but is a fun quote nonetheless! Tonight shall be a short post as I have a whole lot of sleeping to do!
Tonight reeked of penultimate.... it was the penultimate show, the penultimate pizza land supper and quite possibly the penultimate get together of the delightful crew I have been hanging with. I fear all this will soon come to an end. For most of this stuff, like pizza land and the show, that is to be expected. But one thing that is really quite bothering me is that last bit, about not hanging...
I'm not sure what it is, but in the last little while I have become decidedly less of a traditional introvert. I actually disliked it the other day when people didn't go out and all went to their boring homes for boring sleep-before-work or boring studying. Partly this is because I wanted to go out and was so used to Glenn dragging us off to some place for hours of fun meaningless chatter about life the universe and everything. But I fear it is mainly internal reasonings of which I am even hesitant to write of. But write of them I shall (as soon as I remember what they were... I got distracted and forgot... just hang in there... ah yes!)
I think I am hiding. I fear commitment, be it to a job or a lifestyle or whatever, but I really really don't want to go near it. Specifically I seem to fear the commitment to work, or at least to look for work. I don't want to look for work. I don't mind working as such, indeed in many cases I quite enjoy it, but the whole rigmarole of looking for a job from hunting the web/paper to calling to interviewing to filling out forms to emailing a CV, it makes me ill. I feel physically (and mentally) ill just from attempting any of these things. I dislike it. And yes, I used the Mikado to hide from this, merely because it was a logical step. I had just had a bizarre and rather painful break-up and to cope with the emotional ramifications went and hid inside the craziness of a show (I hadn't originally wanted to do the Mikado{gong} but am sooo glad I have! It's brilliant!), so it was an easy step to then hide from seeking a job in the show. I have therefore latched on to a type of crazy "out there" semi-extroversion that I otherwise would steer clear of in order to ignore the greater part of my life. I probably shouldn't, but I am.
Unfortunately, the show is coming to an end, and I don't feel emotionally ready to face the real world again. I still need time to hide. I still can't look for a job, I still need money, I still need time away from people associated with BBFFDDD as I so lovingly call my ex (roughly translated it reads "ExplixativeA, ExplixativeA, ExplixativeB Face, Die Die Die!") and I need to go have fun and feel like you did at school, where you did "stuff" and "things" but you didn't affect the real world and it stayed the hell away from you!
I want to just skip a huge chunk of my life and come back to it later when it's stopped being so damn painful! I mean, yeah ok this last while's been fun. But that's almost over. And nothing was solved or fixed or anything. Stuff still sucks! And I can't ignore it, but I can't happily solve it. I hate things. I dislike feeling helpless and hurt and alone. I'm feeling ever so slightly depressed now (well done moron!), so I'm going to sleep and shall see you all bright and cheerful and all yay-nothing-is-wrong-with-life-wooo-hooo! so go me! I'm the crazy friendly one whom we all love to be around cause God Damn he's wacky! Ok, I am so done bitching about my crap. Good night.
1. Title: Steve Carell was on David Letterman's show and he was talking about Hockey or Ice Hockey or something and he was talking about getting hit as a Goalie and how the other goalie's dad ran up to him and was asking DIFFICULT questions which he couldn't answer (which meant that they thought he had concussion)!
2. there are more I think but cant be botherd. night all.
posted by Mystycal Tycoon at
8:34 AM
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