Follow the Cinderblock road!
"Everyone knows that Dorothy liked the Scarecrow best." - Matthew Reilly, Ice Station.
I have exams, and they are a pain. When u aren't sitting them, u r studying for them, and still the teachers hound u for work, and examples and talks and open discussions on ur progress etc etc...
It is the most bloody painful process I have ever witnessed or been a part of. But enough about me... Actually, what am I saying? This is meant to be about me! Well, it doesn't have to be, but I said it would be and I'll be damned if I'm gonna call myself a liar more than once in this week!
The art of burning other peoples shit, is to make sure you can get away with it. It is all well and good to grab it, set fire to it and enjoy the resulting display, but it pays to be precautious, so as not to have it come back and bite you when you least expect it!
1. Finding the shit to burn.
This is important, as the rest of the steps cannot follow if you don't actually have anything to burn. To find something to burn, you need to find someone who's shit can be burnt. Scout out your local area, find a person on holiday, or someone you don't like. Do a bit of amature stalking to see what they do, what they own, what they like, and when they are away from the shit. It should be something precious to them, or at least something easy to burn.
2. Getting the shit for u to burn.
Now you have to collect it. If it is usually kept in a locked study or house, then here's a little trick to help you... Get some tape or some other such thing, go to the study when it is unlocked, with them there and ask for a pair of scissors or something. While they do this, get the tape and put it over the hole the lock slots into (make sure u wear inconspicuous gloves, so as not to leave prints). Now when they lock it, the door will lock, but not shut, because the tape will keep the latch-thingy from closing... If it is their house, pretend to be doing a survey on something that they will have to check by going inside, like when their latest bill came in. If you've stalked well enough, you should know what company they pay their bills to for electricity etc and can use one of them.
Now you need to wait until they go away, and steal into their house, making sure u wear non-grip shoes (so that they don't carry stuff in from the garden in the tread) and not too much clothing (tight-fitting is best), just basic shirt/jumper, pants, undies, socks. And don't forget surgical gloves (don't buy the ones with the chalky residue! We don't want to leave prints) and wash them in alcohol to remove ur prints from the outside of the gloves from when u put them on. And tie ur hear back, or wear a hat. If ur gonna be really thorough, do what Vince does in Gattaga, with the scrubbing with the metal brush to get rid of dead skin and hair.
Now, go in, grab the thing ur gonna burn, and get out of there. Be fast, be efficient, be ruthless. Don't let ur concience attack you. U set out to burn their shit, so do it dammnit! Now leave, talking with you the piece of tape u stuck on the door earlier. Yay, you have some shit to burn!
NOTE: Don't rush it. It takes time and a bit of ingenuity to get enough shit to burn, and don't take more than ONE think from each person u pick. Put some time between grabs, and don't take expensive items, you are gonna burn them remember.
3. Burning the shit.
Now U get all the shit, put it into a pile, and using some form of lighter fluid or petrol, set it alight. Now stand back, enjoy the blaze, the sense of achievement, and make sure that EVERYTHING burns! Don't leave ANY incriminating evidence. Clean up after urself, and leave no telltale signs that u've burn't anything.
Now, I am by no means endorsing this kind of behaviour, but if you wanted to know how to do it, or have the urge to burn other people's shit, this is how I would go about doing it. You don't have to listen to me. In fact, burning other people's shit is bad. Wood. Burn wood. But if you want to know the joys of burning other people's shit... here it is.
Next Time: The things we call fun!
I have exams, and they are a pain. When u aren't sitting them, u r studying for them, and still the teachers hound u for work, and examples and talks and open discussions on ur progress etc etc...
It is the most bloody painful process I have ever witnessed or been a part of. But enough about me... Actually, what am I saying? This is meant to be about me! Well, it doesn't have to be, but I said it would be and I'll be damned if I'm gonna call myself a liar more than once in this week!
The art of burning other peoples shit, is to make sure you can get away with it. It is all well and good to grab it, set fire to it and enjoy the resulting display, but it pays to be precautious, so as not to have it come back and bite you when you least expect it!
1. Finding the shit to burn.
This is important, as the rest of the steps cannot follow if you don't actually have anything to burn. To find something to burn, you need to find someone who's shit can be burnt. Scout out your local area, find a person on holiday, or someone you don't like. Do a bit of amature stalking to see what they do, what they own, what they like, and when they are away from the shit. It should be something precious to them, or at least something easy to burn.
2. Getting the shit for u to burn.
Now you have to collect it. If it is usually kept in a locked study or house, then here's a little trick to help you... Get some tape or some other such thing, go to the study when it is unlocked, with them there and ask for a pair of scissors or something. While they do this, get the tape and put it over the hole the lock slots into (make sure u wear inconspicuous gloves, so as not to leave prints). Now when they lock it, the door will lock, but not shut, because the tape will keep the latch-thingy from closing... If it is their house, pretend to be doing a survey on something that they will have to check by going inside, like when their latest bill came in. If you've stalked well enough, you should know what company they pay their bills to for electricity etc and can use one of them.
Now you need to wait until they go away, and steal into their house, making sure u wear non-grip shoes (so that they don't carry stuff in from the garden in the tread) and not too much clothing (tight-fitting is best), just basic shirt/jumper, pants, undies, socks. And don't forget surgical gloves (don't buy the ones with the chalky residue! We don't want to leave prints) and wash them in alcohol to remove ur prints from the outside of the gloves from when u put them on. And tie ur hear back, or wear a hat. If ur gonna be really thorough, do what Vince does in Gattaga, with the scrubbing with the metal brush to get rid of dead skin and hair.
Now, go in, grab the thing ur gonna burn, and get out of there. Be fast, be efficient, be ruthless. Don't let ur concience attack you. U set out to burn their shit, so do it dammnit! Now leave, talking with you the piece of tape u stuck on the door earlier. Yay, you have some shit to burn!
NOTE: Don't rush it. It takes time and a bit of ingenuity to get enough shit to burn, and don't take more than ONE think from each person u pick. Put some time between grabs, and don't take expensive items, you are gonna burn them remember.
3. Burning the shit.
Now U get all the shit, put it into a pile, and using some form of lighter fluid or petrol, set it alight. Now stand back, enjoy the blaze, the sense of achievement, and make sure that EVERYTHING burns! Don't leave ANY incriminating evidence. Clean up after urself, and leave no telltale signs that u've burn't anything.
Now, I am by no means endorsing this kind of behaviour, but if you wanted to know how to do it, or have the urge to burn other people's shit, this is how I would go about doing it. You don't have to listen to me. In fact, burning other people's shit is bad. Wood. Burn wood. But if you want to know the joys of burning other people's shit... here it is.
Next Time: The things we call fun!
posted by Mystycal Tycoon at
3:17 AM
14 Comments:
haha, thanks for that, glad to have such knowledge. the time after next time: how to make sparkler bombs! hehe lawson taught me last summer so i could make a distraction so i could get into the kitchen to get food... i was hungry :P aaaaanyway... nice post.
I commented and it didn't appear! oh the injustice!!!
hahaha yes detailed to an extreme there cutey well later!
@Sez: Ha ha! Bombs are fun too, I may post some (how to make smoke bombs and then skip class post)!!!
@elizabeth: We all know it was a worthwhile post, and so will imagine it in all its inane glory!
@CJ:hahaha yes detailed to an extreme there... yes well, it is more fun if u aren't caught! loL!
lol i can imagine it might suck if u got caught lol!
It was BRILLIANT....though I have since forgotten what it was...as with all other flashes of brilliance. House is on, but it's a repeat, so that about nullifies it.
mmm u were online but i didnt talk to u sorry elizabeth! but yes at skool now... mmm im goin to steal bryces cigarette lighter... just coz its fun to play with
is that the thing with the ice core drill???? hahah bryce hahahaha
CJ: Don't worry, in the grand tradition of laptops my mums computer duly ate msn, so i wasn't on for long anyways...
..last chinese school was today! It was sad (typed "lad") yet liberating, but at the same time severely lacking in bell "due to daylight saving"
...work that one out
ugh and i thought philosophy was confusing...
Wow, soo many comments, i feel touched... but not in the way a choirboy feels touched by a priest when they are having a one-on-one session about "they glory of god"...
@Elizabeth: There will be more brilliance... And house can get annoying when they do repeats, but I had missed that one so was happy to see it. Next week he's on the date with Cameron! yay! And chinsese bells aren't as confusing as the damned fortune cookies!
@chantal: Tank-you for the comment and the inclusion in the conversation! Have you read the latest of MR's books? Something about the seven wonders of the world?
@CJ: poor bryce. His lighter, his ice core drill, his sanity, his nazi-like-qualities... What more are you going to deprive him of?
Why did they do two weeks of House repeats? And not play any that I had missed? Oh the tragedy! However, next weeks looks good, though in the interim, there is much Hearbeat to watch. Good show, so underrated, and unduly paid out.
It's just QUAINT is all...hmm...it seems an interesting contrast appears when Quaint is written in capitals. It looks so agressive, and yet the word is not...the irony is fun!
Irony is fun, Ironing is not! I do not know this show you speak of, this "Hearbeat" (possibly 'Heartbeat'?), what is it and when is it on?
House is great, and it is distracting me from study, but I am distracted easily! BlackBooks (WAS on ABC) is great! Funny British Comedy, can be bought in most Sanity Stores!
I misspelt (thats a cruel word...it should alow for three "s's" as that would make sense.) Heartbeat. It's on Saturdays, channel 7 at 6:30p.m, and it's a 60s police comdy/drama/show/thing
Post a Comment
Subscribe to Post Comments [Atom]
<< Home