Is there anybody out there feeling something?

CHAPTER 27
After a long rest - It's really over - Life get's the better of MT - Damn it!

Aaaand we're back!

"Logic, my dear Zoe, merely enables one to be wrong with authority." (The Doctor, in "The Wheel in Space") For me this is always a fun argument. Logic can only get you so far, because if you are arguing logically you are assuming that the other person will also argue logically or will listen to your arguments and not just keep harping on at their own. But I digress...

It's been a while, oh yes indeed. I feel as though a great weight is about to settle onto my shoulders and there is nothing much I can do about it. The Mikado is over. So over, in fact, that I shall not even grace it's presence with a {gong}. Sad, I know, but true. Oh, there will be a fleeting moment of happiness that is the celebrated "viewing" but after that reality shall rudely awaken once more and begin again it's ever ominous onslaught. I am strongly disliking so-called 'life' at the moment. I feel distanced and detached from all my friends. A large part of this is the whole living in the middle of nowhere without internet or phone reception. Also, we are moving house again, and by we I mean my parents who have guilt tripped my into helping again, not that I mind, but I would like to use my ONE free weekend to do something else besides that. I am dreading going back to my "other" work here (ie Coffee Shop) as Mr Singer aka the Russian shall be making my life miserable there. I need a new job and I need it NOW! The music prac one, which is where I get to play with this computer, is not very well paid. I feel listless and restless and yet can't seem to "go" anywhere. The feeling of wanting to skip a few months of my life is getting stronger.

I recently discovered the "spending an hour writing an sms to someone only to delete it unsent" Dilemma. Of course, mine was of a different sort. I was reading about this aforementioned dilemma when I was visited by the "I want to call but it will ammount to nothing and I still have to go back to boring home to be boring and bored" dilemma, or something like that. I was seriously considering called a friend of mine, but in the end decided it would be futile.

I think I am unhappy with "home" partly because whenever I end up there I'm always left with a list of things to do. I know that everyone else is working or schooling and probably "do their bit" both there and at the other house, but it feels like I'm the only one who's doing anything merely because they know I'm there and not doing anything else "productive". I know this is all self-something ranting and I shouldn't do it (indeed, it is beneath me. I am too intelligent to sink to such foolish delusions) but I can't help it. For now, emotions hold sway and they are not good ones... I want out.

I am tired. I want to hide, but no-one is letting me. I fear I shall soon decend into the straight-black-hair poetry-writing whiny gits (ie emo's) style of emotional bitching. I know I should stop complaining and DO something to better my circumstances, but there seems to be some internall workings of my head that is stopping this from happening. It's like my brain wants me to succeed in destroying my life and making me miserable... I seem to be sounding like a petulant child now... great.

Ah, well. All this moping aside, work draws to a close. No one turned up for music prac as they all had some muck up/pay out night or something. But that means I get paid to sit here and listen to "Don't hold back" and "Fitter Happier" and "Heart's a mess" (and "Aqua's Barbie Girl" but don't tell anyone about that one)... but not paid much. Good night, sweet dreams, and call me on my home phone so I don't prematurely bore myself to death...
We're moving house...