There once was a man called Alex...

I have been absent for a while now. Funnily enough this statement can be applied to my lack of blogging and to my general mental state. I have been absent. I know I have been out and I'm sure I've been doing something, but these last few weeks have been a blur. I am finding it very hard to remember specifics on things I did only days ago. I couldn't even give you a vague rundown of what I've been doing this last while. I can only vaguley recall glimpses of things, but not put them into any coherent timeframe. I feel as disjointed as "A hatful of flame" my somewhat disjointed and dysfunctional web-thing.

I don't feel well. It's not an illness unwell, rather a character disposition unwell. The "thing" that was hanging and looming continues to hang and loom as it hasn't been faced yet. This, on the whole, is not helping my physical and mental wellbeing. Also, it is summer, and I dislike summer. The whole, it is hot so go outside thing is not my cup of iced tea. I like the cold, i like indoors, I like computer games, like Mass Effect and Bioshock. I don't like summmmmmer.

On a better note, Producers is comming up really soon. Well, auditions for it are at the very least. Within the next few weeks I shall know whether I'm in and where I am in the show, if I am in. Hoping (but not really thinking I'm getting) for Bloom. My wish list goes Bloom, Franz, Carmen (Rodger's' "common law assistant").

I feel tired, listless, unorganised, moving but in noi discernable direction of any kind, never mind a beneficial one.

I recently, and by recently I mean in the past few weeks, re-read over my old posts. Something I noticed was that overall there was no crapping on about my sh*tty life in there. Yes, while I was at school I was a far more carefree and unfettered person. I was able to be a far more charismatic and personable person with greater ease. Now things are stagnant and boorish and so I winge and whine and generally feel like crap, with these odd moments of fun and brilliance and old-self-energy which dissapates far too quickly. I actually think I miss school. Or rather, I miss my schooldays. Back when things were easier, you could just go and do "wahtever" and nothing really mattered (not even VCE :P). Listen to me, I sound like a broken record... Where is the fun and silly in my life? Where is the energy and glamour? I am always tired, always introspective, and always sh*tty about something. Why has life so quickly stopped being about living and become a droll thing I must drag myself through? Who do I appear to be depressed? Sheesh. (I just hope I'm bi-polar and not depressed, because then I will have the crazy happy back!) :P

Anywho, gotta go before I just keep repeating how crap something or other is, because the two people who occasionally glance at this really care about stuff like that :P, and I'll see you when I see you. Over and out.